Plutarch, in the life of Romulus, lists several different
stories about the founding of Rome. Each of the stories is a variant on the
strangeness of birth itself.
1. The first story is that Rome was founded in the wake of
the exhaustion of a woman named Roma. Roma was a Trojan noblewoman who became
tired of the strategies of the men leading the Trojans into exile. They never
stopped anywhere long. Roma got the women to burn the boats. “When this was done, the men were angry at
first, but afterwards, when they had settled of necessity on the Palatine,
seeing themselves in a little while more prosperous than they had hoped, since
they found the country good and the neighbours made them welcome, they paid
high honours to Roma, and actually named the city after her, since she had been
the occasion of their founding it. And from that time on, they say, it has
been customary for the women to salute
their kinsmen and husbands with a kiss; for those women, after they had burned
the ships, made use of such tender salutation as they supplicated their
husbands and sought to appease their wrath.” This is a founding worthy of
Fellini – or Lisa Wertmuller.
2. The second story is that Romanus, the son of Odyseus and
Circe, colonized the city.
3. Others say it was Romus, sent by Diomedes from Troy, or
Romis, tyrant of the Latins.
4. Plutarch writes that the most authentic tradition is that
it was founded by Romulus. But writers “don’t agree about his lineage.” Some
say he was the son of Aeneas and Dexithea.
Others say Roma was wedded to Latinus, the son of Telemachus, who gave
birth to Romulus.
5. But another account, which is “altogether fabulous”, goes
like this. Tarchetus was a cruel king of the Albans. Whether it was due to his
cruelty or for another reason, a strange phantom haunted his house: a penis
rose out of his hearth and remained there for several days. A king with a penis
in his chimney is bound to lose face, sooner or later. So Tarchetus sent to the
oracle of Tethys, who responded that a virgin must have intercourse with the
penis. As Chekhov observed, if there is a pistol in the first act, it must go
off in the fifth. Similarly, if a phantom penis haunts your hearth, a virgin
must copulate with it. Because the oracle promised that the fruit of the virgin
and the phantom dick would be an illustrious son, Tarchetius told one of his daughters
to do the deed. But she felt that Tarchetius was abusing his patriarchal powers
here, so she secretly sent a handmaid in her place. When Tarchetius learned who
fucked the phantom phallus, he seized both maidens, and was going to put them
to death when the goddess Hestia appeared to him in a dream and told him no. So
he locked them up and told them to weave a web. When they finished the web, he
would give them in marriage. By day they weaved the web. At night, though,
other maidens, under the King’s orders, unwove it. The handmaid soon showed
that she was pregnant – pregnant with twins. Tarchetius had been forbidden by
the Goddess to kill both of them, but when the handmaiden had the twins,
Tarchetius revisited the divine dream and decided that at least he could kill
the twins, who he entrusted to a certain Teratius. As in James Bond movies, so
in myth: just as the baddie never kills James outright, but always gives orders
to have him killed in some unusual and outrageous
way, so too these oracle-ridden kings have threatening boy-childs taken care of
by henchman, which never tricks the gods and demons.
6. Teratius sounds like a name born out of the name
Tarchetius.
7. This is the part of the story everyone remembers. “This
man, however, carried them to the river-side and laid them down there. Then a
she-wolf visited the babes and gave them suck, while all sorts of birds brought
morsels of food and put them into their mouths, until a cow-herd spied them,
conquered his amazement, ventured to come to them, and took the children home
with him. Thus they were saved, and when they were grown up, they set upon
Tarchetius and overcame him. At any
rate, this is what a certain Promathion says, who compiled a history of Italy.”
8. But Plutarch gives a longer variant, which he likes
better. The material here is slightly transformed – it has the malleability of
dreams, such dreams as Freud interpreted: the compromise between the fear of
castration and male marvel at his unlikely equipment produces another
quasi-virgin birth, this one happening to a Vestal virgin who evidently
disobeyed the rules. The twins born to this virgin were to be killed, again, by
a servant, who through a bunch of incidences lost the little basket they were in.
“They floated down the river a fairly smooth spot which is now called
Kermalus”. And once again, in this
scrambled egg of a story, body parts get mixed with philology: “Now there was a
wild fig-tree hard by, which they called Ruminalis, either from Romulus, as is
generally thought, or because cud-chewing, or ruminating, animals spent the
noon-tide there for the sake of the shade, or best of all, from the suckling of
the babes there; for the ancient Romans called the teat "ruma," and a
certain goddess, who is thought to preside over the rearing of young children,
is still called Rumilia, in sacrificing to whom no wine is used, and libations
of milk are poured over her victims. 2 Here, then, the babes lay, and the
she-wolf of story here gave them suck..”
9. But Plutarch is not satisfied yet with this account,
because, frankly, it seems fantastic, and not in that good way that has been
authorized by ancient Greek writers. “But some say that the name of the
children's nurse, by its ambiguity, deflected the story into the fabulous. For
the Latins not only called she-wolves "lupae," but also women of
loose character, and such a woman was the wife of Faustulus, the foster-father
of the infants…”
10. The founding of Rome, then, involves every kind of
Oedipal confabulation. Perhaps this is appropriate for the violently predatory
state that grew out of phantom penises, handmaidens and Vestal virgins. The imperial question is not:
is the state legitimate? Rather, it is: who is my mother?