Remora

The best comment on the looming war this morning comes from an Independent columnist, Mark Steel. Steel zeros in on the logic of this caper. Here are two delicious grafs:

"Blair admitted how pointless the inspections are when he justified military action by saying "The inspections can't go on forever." Which seems to miss out the point that the reason the inspectors are asking for more time is they haven't found anything. So another way for Blair to have put this would have been to say, "Saddam continues to try and hold up this war by not having weapons of mass destruction, and that is something we simply cannot allow. He consistently flouts the inspectors by not having a secret cave full of chemical warheads, with Tariq Aziz laughing loudly next to a giant map with a ring drawn round Chicago while a digital clock counts down, and that is, frankly, intolerable.

"Blair went on to say he wasn't prepared to play "hide-and-seek" with Saddam, which again assumes the only possible reason why stuff hasn't been found is Saddam must be hiding it. You could apply this to anywhere and come up with a reason for war. After Iraq, Blair could send weapons inspectors into the Blue Peter Garden, and after six weeks announce that as no nuclear devices have been found, the only way to ensure peace was a full-scale invasion. Then, when the presenters started running round the studio with rifles and shouting "We're ready to make you die," Blair could say "See, it's working because they're rattled."

The Independent is full of jewels this morning. While Steel intended to be funny, the serious news report about Iraq is even funnier. Here's the latest in the Blair government's attempt to justify its synthesis of sycophancy and belligerence:

"British sources said there was further evidence of internal opposition to Saddam's regime as the military build-up and diplomatic pressure on Iraq increased. They said graffiti, slogans and underground activity had increased sharply in recent weeks. Slogans such as "Down with Saddam" and "How long will the Iraqi people sleep?" were appearing on statues and photographs of Saddam and on the walls of public buildings. Opposition groups, including the Iraqi Communist Party and National Liberation Movement, had also stepped up activity."

There you have it, folks. Surely Rumsfeld should mention the sharp spiking of the grafitti factor in his next broadcast to the "real Europe" ... the Europe of our allies ... the Europe of Poland, Italy and Spain. (We have the finest allies, you see. Rumor has it that Slovenia itself is about to join our mighty coalition).