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Das Langweilige ist interessant geworden, weil das Interessante angefangen hat langweilig zu werden. – Thomas Mann

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Monday, January 07, 2008

The General from Hope

You know, when President Backbone way back on January 2005 (Year of the Liberated Pig) made us all choke up as he celebrated the winds of freedom he’d helped waft over the Globe, we didn’t even know the half of it. Comrades on the Decent sites, who know a knight of the Weltgeist when they see it, knew that President Backbone was history’s way of bringing permanent revolution and a New Labour outlook to the benighted and dusky races of the world. They liked what they saw, and who could resist our impossibly handsome liberator, flak jacket in his left hand, big cock in his right hand? Which surely will be inscribed on the coins one day. One face Bush, the other face President Truman, cooking a girl scout on a grill. Because Truman was Man Tough! Just ask famous adult entertainment star Peter Beinert.

We were bedazzled too. So we jumped up and down for joy at this NYT headline: “In Musharraf’s Shadow, a New Hope for Pakistan Rises.” Hope is a strange thing – one might think that the Hope was arising among our Pakistani comrades, all liberated to fight al qaeda for us and shit. But a moment’s thought will demonstrate that the Weltgeist isn’t going to waste hope on the not yet mature Pakistanis. Our comrades there are still, in terms of liberation, a little like children. Children hope for baubles. They hope for ice cream. They don’t want to do their homework. Thus, I think we can safely discount children’s hopes, as cute as they are, in this struggle to achieve world socialism and an I.D. and thumbprint for all – no, this hope is arising in D.C., among serious people. And it has a name: another military dictatorship! Leading to freedom freedom freedom. The picture that accompanies this article is worth a thousand bullets, but the intro grafs are pretty good too:

“ISLAMABAD, Pakistan — Over the last several months, a little-known, enigmatic Pakistani general has quietly raised hopes among American officials that he could emerge as a new force for stability in Pakistan, according to current and former government officials. But it remains too early to determine whether he can play a decisive role in the country.

In late November, the general, Ashfaq Parvez Kayani, took command of Pakistan’s army when the country’s longtime military ruler, Pervez Musharraf, resigned as army chief and became a civilian president. At that time, General Kayani, a protégé of Mr. Musharraf’s, became one of Pakistan’s most powerful officials.

The Pakistani Army has dominated the country for decades and the army chief wields enormous influence. Over time, as General Kayani gains firmer control of the army, he is likely to become even more powerful than Mr. Musharraf himself.”

I get all swoony, myself, at someone being a “force for stability". So much nicer than someone being a potential military dictator. That is such a nasty word - it simply reeks of Chomskian moral equivalency. But force for stability! That's so New Economy. So the world is flat. It is Davos and everything nice. It evokes nostalgia: the interrogation methods of Guantanamo, the insider deals that accrue billions, the Swiss bank account, and – oh, very heaven – the ability to vend massive amounts of WMD, er, American military hardware to our comrade general.

Every once in a while, a voice breaks out of the chorus and you can hear, bravely and clearly, what American foreign policy is all about.

Now back to our regularly scheduled progam: 1001 reasons that Chavez is the New Hitler.

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