“I’m so bored. I hate my life.” - Britney Spears

Das Langweilige ist interessant geworden, weil das Interessante angefangen hat langweilig zu werden. – Thomas Mann

"Never for money/always for love" - The Talking Heads

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Doing our share

LI has been contemplating one of the latest developments in the War.

“In a joint statement at the end of a three-day visit by the Iranian foreign minister, Kamal Kharazi, the new Shiite-led Iraqi government said that Saddam Hussein, the overthrown Iraqi leader, and other officials in his government must be put on trial for committing "military aggression against the people of Iraq, Iran and Kuwait," as well as crimes against humanity and war crimes.”

Given this statement by our ally officially making that war a criminal offense, and given LI's well known sense of patriotism, we thought we'd start the ball rolling by fingering a few collaborators that the Iraqis might want to pick up in this country.

For instance: Weinberger, Caspar W. Description: lunatic, former Secretary of War under Ronald Reagan (president, U.S.A.). In his memoirs, written in 1990 “Weinberger holds the Ayatollah responsible for the war with Iraq, even though Iraq attacked first. Moreover, he asserts that Iran was able to hold its own in the war only because Iraq had decided it did not want to commit the substantial resources required for a military victory. The former secretary conveniently forgets that Iraq resorted even to chemical weapons.”

There’s a rundown of the dog’s criminal activities here.

Current resorts: “Cap” has been seen in Washington D.C. Method of capture suggested: ambush at meeting of the Forbes magazine board of directors, of which he is chairman; also can be picked up at the Winston Churchill Memorial Fund annual pigsticking hunt, or, if 20 to 30 thousand dollars is available, can be lured to speak at any event involving making money from the commerce of mass murder, i.e. defense related industry.

Rumsfeld, Donald. Description: lunatic, current secretary of War. Record: There's a rundown of beast's criminal role here.

Method of capture suggested: Rumsfeld, known to his associates as Babbling Don, is known to frequent a building on 1000 Defense, where he hangs out with various shady cronies. Warning: suspect is armed and should be considered dangerous.

Bush, George Herbert. Description: records show that the suspect may have been president of the United States. Information is considered highly unreliable, as it is unlikely a person so egregiously unpleasant could have been elected to position of dogcatcher, even among kaf'r. Record: partial list of crimes committed in La Times article here

Method of Capture suggested: last seen looking like prune went wrong way down windpipe in tsunami aid photo-op in Thailand. Likely to be anywhere wife is not in vicinity. May be lured by set up involving search for new spokesman for viagra related product, for which see Dole, Robert.

PS - Since we are doing our share in the Great Bush War Effort, we felt like sharing some more of the good news in Iraq.

Ali Hameed quit his job as a taxi driver because he no longer felt safe on Baghdad's streets. Increasingly desperate for money to help him get married, he hit on a once-in-a-lifetime business opportunity - selling one of his kidneys.

Last week, in a shabby ward in the city's Al Karama hospital, he lay bandaged on a bed, one kidney lighter and $1,400 (about £765) richer after a three-hour operation.

In a nearby room, his body similarly bandaged, lay the man who had paid for it - the other player in a grim new black market trade in organs that is one of Iraq's few growth industries.

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