When BMW introduced its in-car navigation system in Germany, the system was a model of technological excellence, using a computer-generated voice to give highly accurate information about the car’s location and how to get to almost all city and street addresses. Unfortunately, a large number of drivers had a strong negative reaction to this technological marvel and demanded a product recall. The problem? The navigation system had a female voice. German drivers felt uncomfortable with, and untrusting of, a “female” giving directions! BMW acquiesced and switched to a “male” synthetic voice.
- http://www.pbs.org/speak/ahead/technology/voiceinterface/
When I dial a company, the routine is that a pre-recorded female voice ‘answers’ and tells me that I should press one for x, two for y, etc. When I plug in a GPS, a pre-recorded female voice responds to my question, how do I get to Y, with instructions that consist of turn left or turn right and the name of the street or highway all the way there. When I go on a subway, a pre-recorded female voice will tell me “doors closing”. When I go to the licence bureau, I’m handed a ticket with a letter and a number on it that corresponds to a window, and I listen while a pre-recorded female voice calls out the letter number combination that are will tell me what windows are open.
Not the same voice. But a female voice. Washed of any accent. Blanched, you could say, to the whitest white degree.
There are the ocassional male voices. Right off hand, I can think of the throaty, airplane piloty voice in the airport warning you not to carry packages for strangers or let your bags out of sight for an instant.
But mainly we are surrounded by these fantasmal female voices.
It is as though, in some parody of the 70s feminist demand that female voices be heard, they are now being heard, evacuated of all personality, conveying the corporate message. From the gnostic philosophy of history, parody plays a major role in the dynamic of universal history – it is a wild card and has no pre-existing political value attached to it. I am tempted to call these omnipresent, instructing and ordering voices the correlate of lean-in feminism, but that would be a cheap shot. Still, I suspect something deeply patriarchal is happening here that is culturally connected to the celebration of corporate CEOs as models of feminism.
I have read little about this phenomenon from a feminist perspective, although surely there is a paper out there. Francois Ribac, in an article in L’homme et la societe (1997), wrote a long essay on what he called La voix re-composée, these “top model” voices that are “re-assuring and dynamic, young and without accent.” I’m not sure about the young: it is characteristic of these voices that they erase their characteristics. Ribac was interested in the fact that our projection of our own humanity on these voices is in contradiction with the fact that they are blends, synthetics. They are machines. He traces the history of the voice-off to moments in musical history. This is, to my mind, a less interesting aspect of them, or I should say, I am less interested in the way the synthetic voice emerges in musical history than how it emerged as a corporate voice.
Clifford Nass, who has done a lot of work in the voxsynth field, describes an experiment he made with voices and stereotyping in The Man who lied to his laptop. He created a fake auction space on the web, in which voices describe items.
“Participants clicked an audio link to hear the description of each item read by a “spokesperson.” Half of the participants heard all of the descriptions read by a female voice; the other half heard them read by a male voice. To make the absurdity of stereotyping absolutely clear, we used computer-generated voices that varied only in pitch: the voices sounded more like male and female Martians than anything human. After they were presented with each item, participants were asked about their feelings about the product, the pitch, and the spokesperson.”
Anthropologically, I’d be careful about using the word “absurd”. In fact, anthropologists have found that in the “interface” with the world, personhood is routinely ascribed to beings that the educated elite in the developed countries have learned not to ascribe personhood to. There’s a beautiful and definitive essay by Sergio della Bernardina, ‘A person not completely like the others: the animal and its status” which mixes field work and the literature on rituals in which cruel things are done to animals to make the point that the cruelty is often seen, by the participants, as a form of justice for the faults the persons – the hunted or sacrificed – committed. Bernardina recounts a ‘game’ in Spain which consists of burying a cock up to its neck and then, among the members of the group that surrounds it, taking turns, blindfolded, in trying to detach its head with the blow of a stick. The players, or one of the players, repeats a set phrase: “It’s over, m. le coq, to sleep with the chickens.”
In the cases of the voices, this is what Nass found:
“… the “female” voice did a better job selling the stereotypically female products, while the “male” voice did a better job selling the stereotypically male products. In addition, when voice “gender” matched product “gender,” participants reported that the descriptions seemed more accurate. In other words, matching the gender made the descriptions themselves more believable and the voices selling them seem more expert. Given that the voices were not human, the speakers obviously could not know anything about the content nor use the products!”
If we take a clue from Nass and cherchez le stereotype, perhaps we will find that the persistently female voice on the GPS corresponds to the notion that the female sits on the passenger side and the male drives. However, since this stereotype doesn’t override, among German BMW drivers, other of their reactions (although I must admit that anecdote sounds a little too pat), we have to unravel the overdetermination involved in the production and diffusion of these disembodied voices, the muses of our discontents and lost moments.
“I’m so bored. I hate my life.” - Britney Spears
Das Langweilige ist interessant geworden, weil das Interessante angefangen hat langweilig zu werden. – Thomas Mann
"Never for money/always for love" - The Talking Heads
Thursday, July 03, 2014
Monday, June 30, 2014
blackwater killers again
James Risen has a story in the NYT about the Blackwater mercenary force in Iraq here.
I wrote many blog posts about Blackwater as killers. Here's one from October 26, 2007, part of a futile attempt to get justice for Raheem Khalif, President Maliki's bodyguard, who was killed in cold blood by Andrew Moonen, who was then helped by the then ambassador to Iraq, Margaret Scobey, to escape to the U.S. Scobey as I pointed out many times was an abettor of the murder.
In the culture of impunity that reigns in the US, Moonen never faced charges. Scobey was promoted by the US State department. Khalif's family - well, they are part of the low use throw away population, so no newspaper has cared to interview them. Here's a story from 2010, when Obama's Justice Department was too busy avoiding charging banks for their felonies to charge mercenaries for theirs.
This is the beginning of my series of posts:
If a big bug gets into your house from the outside, don't you sometimes try to help it back outside, instead of crushing it into its insect jellies?
In the case of butterflies and crickets, we often show some respect for life. So it is with mounting anguish that I have waited, since the news was first reported at the beginning of October, for charges to be raised against Andrew Moonen – you remember Andrew Moonen. Andrew Moonen reduced an Iraqi bodyguard of President Maliki to his jellies last December. It was a Christmas present to himself. Wanting to murder an Iraqi, and having the means and the proximity, being a hired employee of Blackwater in the Green Zone, he got drunk and hunted for one. And in cold blood he slew one.
This is first degree murder.
He wasn’t arrested. Rather, the State Department in the Green Zone in Iraq, having been informed that he was drunk, that he slew an Iraqi man, and that he was in the custody of Triple Canopy, another private military contractor, did deliberately and with malice aforethought contrive to have Moonen escape Iraq. The acting ambassador at the United States Embassy in Baghdad was fully informed of, and approved this operation. Her name is Margaret Scobey.
Andrew Moonen should be charged with murder in the first degree. Margaret Scobey should be charged with being an accessory to murder.
I’ve been waiting for a month for some action to develop. I’ve been waiting for some outrage to be expressed. Of course, I am not naïve. In the politics of contrived outrage, killing an Iraqi man ranks much lower than, say, calling the man a faggot among those of liberal sensibilities. If Moonen had been accused of hate speech, an outrage story would race from one fine liberal blog to another. Or if Andrew Moonen had said something mean about America’s fine soldiers. What if he called them phoney soldiers? That would be truly outrageous. But he only took the life of a so far unnamed Iraqi guard. It was only murder. And Andrew Moonen isn’t even a celebrity. He isn’t a Britney. He isn’t a Paris. He is only a ‘security’ employee. He only was having good American fun. He only wanted a fun Christmas, one in which he could dabble in Iraqi blood. He got his wish. And for his murder, they docked his pay.
Although it is a bothersome even to mention it, it is murder. And though it is even more exasperating in some circles to mention any crimes related to the elite, like Margaret Scobey – who isn’t, like, some hip hop trash that we can casually toss into prison as we would toss an empty beer can in the trash – she was an accessory to murder. Murder is a crime that, presumably, you can still get in trouble for even in D.C. It isn't like perjury, which you can only be charged with if you aren't Republican or connected to a D.C. powerbroker.
Charge them now. Please, if you read this and you have a blog, consider writing a post demanding that Andrew Moonen be charged with murder, and Margaret Scobey be charged with accessory to murder.
I wrote many blog posts about Blackwater as killers. Here's one from October 26, 2007, part of a futile attempt to get justice for Raheem Khalif, President Maliki's bodyguard, who was killed in cold blood by Andrew Moonen, who was then helped by the then ambassador to Iraq, Margaret Scobey, to escape to the U.S. Scobey as I pointed out many times was an abettor of the murder.
In the culture of impunity that reigns in the US, Moonen never faced charges. Scobey was promoted by the US State department. Khalif's family - well, they are part of the low use throw away population, so no newspaper has cared to interview them. Here's a story from 2010, when Obama's Justice Department was too busy avoiding charging banks for their felonies to charge mercenaries for theirs.
This is the beginning of my series of posts:
If a big bug gets into your house from the outside, don't you sometimes try to help it back outside, instead of crushing it into its insect jellies?
In the case of butterflies and crickets, we often show some respect for life. So it is with mounting anguish that I have waited, since the news was first reported at the beginning of October, for charges to be raised against Andrew Moonen – you remember Andrew Moonen. Andrew Moonen reduced an Iraqi bodyguard of President Maliki to his jellies last December. It was a Christmas present to himself. Wanting to murder an Iraqi, and having the means and the proximity, being a hired employee of Blackwater in the Green Zone, he got drunk and hunted for one. And in cold blood he slew one.
This is first degree murder.
He wasn’t arrested. Rather, the State Department in the Green Zone in Iraq, having been informed that he was drunk, that he slew an Iraqi man, and that he was in the custody of Triple Canopy, another private military contractor, did deliberately and with malice aforethought contrive to have Moonen escape Iraq. The acting ambassador at the United States Embassy in Baghdad was fully informed of, and approved this operation. Her name is Margaret Scobey.
Andrew Moonen should be charged with murder in the first degree. Margaret Scobey should be charged with being an accessory to murder.
I’ve been waiting for a month for some action to develop. I’ve been waiting for some outrage to be expressed. Of course, I am not naïve. In the politics of contrived outrage, killing an Iraqi man ranks much lower than, say, calling the man a faggot among those of liberal sensibilities. If Moonen had been accused of hate speech, an outrage story would race from one fine liberal blog to another. Or if Andrew Moonen had said something mean about America’s fine soldiers. What if he called them phoney soldiers? That would be truly outrageous. But he only took the life of a so far unnamed Iraqi guard. It was only murder. And Andrew Moonen isn’t even a celebrity. He isn’t a Britney. He isn’t a Paris. He is only a ‘security’ employee. He only was having good American fun. He only wanted a fun Christmas, one in which he could dabble in Iraqi blood. He got his wish. And for his murder, they docked his pay.
Although it is a bothersome even to mention it, it is murder. And though it is even more exasperating in some circles to mention any crimes related to the elite, like Margaret Scobey – who isn’t, like, some hip hop trash that we can casually toss into prison as we would toss an empty beer can in the trash – she was an accessory to murder. Murder is a crime that, presumably, you can still get in trouble for even in D.C. It isn't like perjury, which you can only be charged with if you aren't Republican or connected to a D.C. powerbroker.
Charge them now. Please, if you read this and you have a blog, consider writing a post demanding that Andrew Moonen be charged with murder, and Margaret Scobey be charged with accessory to murder.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Joyce as the master
There’s an anecdote in Ellman’s biography of James Joyce that
I really love:
“… one day he dined with Vanderpyl and another writer, Edmond
Jaloux, at a restaurant in the rue St. Honore. As they drank champagne and
Fendant de Sion, Jaloux, who happened to be carrying a copy of Flaubert's Trois Contes, began to praise the faultlessness of its
style and language. Joyce, in spite of his own admiration for Flaubert,
bristled, 'Pas
si bien que ga. II commence avec une faute.' And taking the book he showed them
that in the first sentence of'Un Cceur simple,' 'Pendant un demi-siecle, les bourgeoises de
Pont-l'Eveque envierent d Mme Aubain sa servante Felicite,' envierent should be enviaient, since the action is continued rather
than completed. Then he thumbed through the book, evidently with a number of
mistakes in mind, and came to the last sentence of the final story, 'Herodias,'
'Comme elle
etait tres lourde, Us la portaient altemativement.' 'Altemativement is wrong,' he announced, 'since there
are three bearers.”
Oh that
High modernism! So elegant, so intelligent.
What Joyce does to Flaubert here is what Flaubert, in his letters, did
to Balzac – he trumps the master.
The
implication is that a literary text is something made with precision. It is
like a ship, where every plank must be tongue-and-grooved closely with every
other plank to resist the elements.
Yet put
this way, it seems wrong. Shouldn’t the novel seek, instead, to be penetrated
by the elements? Or at least to reflect them – as per Stendhal’s image of the
mirror walking down the road. Isn’t the mistake in Herodias, in fact, related
to the fact that the description – the mirroring – involves three bearers?
Of
course, Stendhal’s mirror shows up in Ulysses
as the cracked looking glass of a serving girl. The crack is not simply a
matter of distortion, but a reminder that the mirror’s smooth surface doesn’t
really model what is happening in writing. Writing has parts and dimensions –
words and sentences and paragrahs and chapters, among the parts, and
denotation, sound, connotation and
history, among the dimensions. I look at the page and see a smooth surface that
I recognize as the printed page, but when I read, when I am initiated into what
is going on, the surface breaks up. Joyce, that Jesuit, saw the old Latin alter in
alternativement. It was the kind of
second hearing that Flaubert had, too.
Still:
the ship metaphor that I used seems not to capture what is going on here,
although it does suggest that the text resists – it resists first. It doesn’t
show, although part of it is certainly evoking images.
But I
don’t want to discard the ship image just yet, because it leads me to one of my
favorite passages in Roland Barthes by Roland Barthes. Here, too, the story becomes an image for a
view of language and its effects:
“Le
vaisseau Argo ~ The ship Argo
A frequent image: that of
the ship Argo (luminous
and white), each piece of which the Argonauts gradually replaced, so that they ended
with an entirely new ship, without having to alter either its
name or its form. This ship Argo is highly
useful: it affords the allegory of an eminently structural object, created not
by genius, inspiration, determination, evolution, but by two modest actions (which
cannot be caught up in any mystique of creation): substitu-
tion (one part replaces another, as in a paradigm) and nomination (the name is in no way linked to the stability
of the parts): by dint of combinations made within one and the same name, nothing
is left of the origin: Argo is an object with no other cause than its name,
with no other identity than its form.”
I think Joyce would have been intrigued by this passage, but I don’t
think he would have quite agreed with it. And yet, couldn’t one say that the
infinite circularity of Finnegan’s wake leads us to Barthes conclusion?
Monday, June 23, 2014
for strict constructionism
In the sixties, during a brief and singular moment in Supreme court history when the court leaned left rather than right, the right massively adopted the idea of strict constructionism. As the court has veered to the far right again - its usual place - the furor has abated.
Myself, I am with the original right position: the supreme court should go back to what it was originally intended to be, a court, not a forum for deciding whether legislation or executive action is constitutional. I believe that might be a good idea, a forum for deciding whether legislation is constitutional or not, and perhaps there should be an independent office to vet legislation, as there is in France. But the Supreme court is certainly not it.
We are far adrift from what Alexander Hamilton wrote in the federalist 78: "Whoever attentively considers the different departments of power must perceive, that, in a government in which they are separated from each other, the judiciary, from the nature of its functions, will always be the least dangerous to the political rights of the Constitution; because it will be least in a capacity to annoy or injure them. The Executive not only dispenses the honors, but holds the sword of the community. The legislature not only commands the purse, but prescribes the rules by which the duties and rights of every citizen are to be regulated. The judiciary, on the contrary, has no influence over either the sword or the purse; no direction either of the strength or of the wealth of the society; and can take no active resolution whatever. It may truly be said to have neither FORCE nor WILL, but merely judgment; and must ultimately depend upon the aid of the executive arm even for the efficacy of its judgments."
Today liberals are celebrating the fact that the supreme court is "allowing" the EPA to regulate coal plant emissions. The Court, in my opinions, is displaying will and force here, as it has done for decades. It has become a truly malign force in the American democracy. The strict constructionists have no problem expanding judicial power when it comes to pursuing the plutocratic agenda, because it is a sham school of thought.
Myself, I am with the original right position: the supreme court should go back to what it was originally intended to be, a court, not a forum for deciding whether legislation or executive action is constitutional. I believe that might be a good idea, a forum for deciding whether legislation is constitutional or not, and perhaps there should be an independent office to vet legislation, as there is in France. But the Supreme court is certainly not it.
We are far adrift from what Alexander Hamilton wrote in the federalist 78: "Whoever attentively considers the different departments of power must perceive, that, in a government in which they are separated from each other, the judiciary, from the nature of its functions, will always be the least dangerous to the political rights of the Constitution; because it will be least in a capacity to annoy or injure them. The Executive not only dispenses the honors, but holds the sword of the community. The legislature not only commands the purse, but prescribes the rules by which the duties and rights of every citizen are to be regulated. The judiciary, on the contrary, has no influence over either the sword or the purse; no direction either of the strength or of the wealth of the society; and can take no active resolution whatever. It may truly be said to have neither FORCE nor WILL, but merely judgment; and must ultimately depend upon the aid of the executive arm even for the efficacy of its judgments."
Today liberals are celebrating the fact that the supreme court is "allowing" the EPA to regulate coal plant emissions. The Court, in my opinions, is displaying will and force here, as it has done for decades. It has become a truly malign force in the American democracy. The strict constructionists have no problem expanding judicial power when it comes to pursuing the plutocratic agenda, because it is a sham school of thought.
Friday, June 20, 2014
Lepore and the smarmmasters at slate!
I've been loving Jill Lepore's takedown of the new business snakeoil, disruptive innovation and the responses to it. I especially love how Slate's Will Oremus replied. This is a man who has inherited the humorous stylings of Mickey Kaus and the ignorance of subject matter of Will Saletan. Those are big shoes to fill - in fact, I think size 24s - the bozo class. Of course, he trips all over himself trying to find an angle. His angle is, wait for it, that this being the internet, he, Oremus, is able to paraphrase Lepore's article, which is apparently behind a pay wall, and thus you, the reader, get it for free. Sakes alive! Lepore has been disrupted. Why is it like this is 1996 - or maybe 1936, since Readers Digest did the same thing.
But the freebie you get from Oremus is worth what you pay for it. He evidently never met an argument with more than one variable in it that he could understand, and he severely misunderstands, and thus misparaphrases, Lepore's article. In the toady style that Slate has perfected, he didn't seem to high himself to one book or article to write his refutation - why should he? I mean, when you are a genius, anything you draw out of your ass must be high class. This was always Will Saletan's motto - used especially when he embraced white supremecy as science in an infamous series in 2007 - so Oremus is following in the footsteps of the masters. Oremus might be interested in the fact that I can go to the library here in Santa Monica and read the whole issue for free - I mean, isn't that a portent of the singularity!
Frankly, save for their book and movie reviews, Slate has been a must-laugh-at ever since they put a stick in Bush and saw he was done in 2000. For years, their schtick has been to find clever ways to wrap rightwing conventional wisdom in neo-liberal wrapping and claim that the resulting product is some brand new thing nobody had ever thought of before, rather than yesterday's dog poop. It is like the monster child of the New Republic and the Third Way.
So I was happy to see them smarm attack Lepore's article. It shows that she must have tapped a vein.
But the freebie you get from Oremus is worth what you pay for it. He evidently never met an argument with more than one variable in it that he could understand, and he severely misunderstands, and thus misparaphrases, Lepore's article. In the toady style that Slate has perfected, he didn't seem to high himself to one book or article to write his refutation - why should he? I mean, when you are a genius, anything you draw out of your ass must be high class. This was always Will Saletan's motto - used especially when he embraced white supremecy as science in an infamous series in 2007 - so Oremus is following in the footsteps of the masters. Oremus might be interested in the fact that I can go to the library here in Santa Monica and read the whole issue for free - I mean, isn't that a portent of the singularity!
Frankly, save for their book and movie reviews, Slate has been a must-laugh-at ever since they put a stick in Bush and saw he was done in 2000. For years, their schtick has been to find clever ways to wrap rightwing conventional wisdom in neo-liberal wrapping and claim that the resulting product is some brand new thing nobody had ever thought of before, rather than yesterday's dog poop. It is like the monster child of the New Republic and the Third Way.
So I was happy to see them smarm attack Lepore's article. It shows that she must have tapped a vein.
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Absence one
Anyone who reads continental philosophy or the philosophical
essayists will soon be impressed by the almost obsessive mooning over the
concept of absence.
This has no parallel in Anglophone philosophy – absence is
at most treated as a simple description of a physical phenomenon. Jack doesn’t
show up for the exam – he is absent.
There is nothing here for the
analytics (or post-analytics) to get moony about.
Nevertheless, there is something strange about the absence
of absence in Anglophone philosophy. The unexamined master-trope of that
philosophy is substitution. Surely it if
were examined, understanding substitution should encourage us to look at absence
more closely.
Substitution implies that a place is preserved – in logical
or physical or social space – that is filled with one or another variable. In a
sense, the presence of the variable isn’t total, since it isn’t identical to
the place. One can find another variable to put in that place.
The latest metaphor in the analytic tradition to designate this
is “candidate”. A candidate – whether as an explanation or as a particular – is
always being considered as the solution to some problem. Whether it is
materialist accounts of cognitive states, theories of the reduction of the
biological to the physical, etc., etc., the papers I edit in philosophy are
built upon comparing one ‘candidate’ with another.
Although analytic philosophers go about closely peering at
language with the fervor of a myopic seamstress threading a needle, they are
curiously indifferent to their own use of language – so I have not read any
account of how suddenly the candidate metaphor appeared in all the right
journals. It is easy to see, though, that it is a metaphor that tells us
something about how absence is thought of here. The implication is that the
“place” where substitution takes or can take place is like an office. It is a
position created by a political system. The politics may only be bureaucratic –
it may be a position in a firm, in which the candidates compete against each
other without seeing each other, before a hiring person or board. Or it may be
a political system in which they compete against each other consciously, before
a voting constituency. The main thing is that the competition is about filling the position. The binary in
place is between the filled place and the empty place – or potentially empty
place. These are pre-eminently relative states – the dialectic between them is
deflected onto the system which determines them, and which has the power to
simply get rid of the place – or multiply it.
Monday, June 16, 2014
the material life
We call it a
sucette. Our babysitter calls it a binky, and a couple of days ago the clerk at
the grocery store, teasing Adam by asking for it, called it a nuk-nuk – I think.
Nuk nuk sounded vaguely disturbing to me, and the surprisingly popular game of
leaning over Adam and asking for something – can you give me your shoe? Your fruitpack?
Or whatever, which many people seem to think is just the way to tease a baby,
was played by that clerk just a tiny bit too roughly. This went with nuk nuk, I
thought.
Such are the various
titles of what is more neutrally called a pacifier. It is an article that, for
the last year and a half, has been essential in our house. When Adam was very
young – around three months, I believe – we bought our first one and he
rejected it, and I thought that we wouldn’t need a pacifier. However, it turned
out that this rejection was more in the nature of a misunderstanding. Or
rather, it was more in the nature of how a sucette is used – for the calm that
comes with putting it in his mouth and shifting it around and laying back and
playing with its little handle (that handle that has a certain unpleasant
visual association for me – I am always reminded of the ring they put on a bull’s
nose, and I sometimes think it gives Adam too painfully the air of an animal we
have domesticated, even if that is, really, the truth), it also seems to be
comforting to throw it away. There’s some ceremony in it – in the same way that
a baseball player tears his cap from his head and throws it down and stomps on
it to theatricalize some fault in the umpire’s judgment, Adam likes to definitively
toss the pacifier to signify that he’s about to run around yelling or play
chase or hide. He also likes to lay it aside, with a graceful, judgmental
gesture when he has decided to eat. This is always interesting to watch,
because it means that he is going to be serious, now, about his turkey, or his
yoghurt, or his bread. And just as taking the sucette out of his mouth prefaces
his decision to grab the little strips of turkey and stuff as many of them as
possible in his mouth, or take the plastic spoon and see how much Nature’s Own
Turkey and Rice glop he can get on it and then, in a perilous trajectory
towards his face, in his mouth (the glop often leaving a trail of drops on his
pants and shirt on the way to its slide down the digestive tract.), so, too,
the resumption of the pacifier is a final punctuation, a full stop that means
this meal is over. Surely, this is manners on the infant scale.
The sucette is slowly
losing its necessity as Adam pressses onward to that magic 2 year old mark. It
used to be part of the standard kit for going out. I’d make sure I had water,
crackers, maybe a fruit or a fruit pack, and the sucette before I lifted our
boy up and strapped him into his stroller. The stroller did pose the problem
that, often, Adam would decide that it was time to toss the sucette, and if I
wasn’t paying attention, we’d lose it. Even if I was paying attention, I hesitated
about taking a pacifier that had been tossed onto a sidewalk traversed by man
and beast and tucking it back into Adam’s mouth. In truth, one loses a lot of
squeamishness when raising a baby, but I had some left. Besides of course the
mortification of somebody seeing me giving a pacifier to my baby after I’d
picked it off the sidewalk or grass or floor. We found our solution one day in
Atlanta in a Walmart, where they sold these handy ribbon clips, which allowed
us to clip the band to Adam’s shirt and attach the sucette to the band. This
didn’t entirely solve the problem, however, as Adam developed a way of
unclipping the pacifier and tossing it, with the ribbon attached. Also, in the pandaemonium
that takes the place of housekeeping when you have a baby, those ribbons would
crawl under beds or dressers or insinuate themselve among the socks or somehow
get in the bathtub – which meant that, added to the hunt for the pacifier was
the hunt for the ribbon so that the pacifier wouldn’t get lost. Such is the
treadmill of consumerism, ladies and gents.
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