“I’m so bored. I hate my life.” - Britney Spears

Das Langweilige ist interessant geworden, weil das Interessante angefangen hat langweilig zu werden. – Thomas Mann

"Never for money/always for love" - The Talking Heads

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Mr. Death, please don't take Bat Boy!

Fuck! There goes my last hope for American journalism

It came out of nowhere. People worry about Murdoch taking over the WSJ when a much more prestigous paper was, unbeknownst to us all, threatened by catastrophe. Only the true insiders could draw on stories like this one, by top flight journalist Chuck Lee:


"After opening a popular Chinese restaurant in Manhattan, Chuck Lee discovered that eating large amounts of hot mustard enabled him to foretell the future. Chuck has consented to share his remarkable predictions in a weekly column.

2008 BUCHAREST, Romania — Vampires realize that the blood of tuna fish suits their macabre nutritional requirements as effectively as human blood. The undead begin lurking near the shores of the Black Sea, sucking fish dry and discreetly throwing their bodies into the water.

2009 BUCHAREST, Romania — An unexpected side effect of the new vampiric diet occurs when the discarded fish themselves return to life as vampires. The fishing industry comes to an abrupt halt while authorities try to capture and kill the thousands of bloodthirsty ‘nosferatuna.’"

Other papers are afraid to tell the truth. WWN did it every week. No favoritism. I can only think that aliens have penetrated this society and succeeded in shutting down the one paper that was warning us of their menacing approach.

20 comments:

northanger said...

yikes! my data center's down :(
{running around} i can't post, i can't post!

northanger said...

:)

roger said...

Finally I got rid of that West Coast competition. The blogosphere will be all minnnnnneeee! Mine I tell you. I will rule in absolute splendor! I wonder what I'll do first...

northanger said...

it was YOU! {sob} you got Lindsay Lohan drunk & she ran into my data center! {wet internink blotchies}

roger said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
roger said...

Mais bien sur, North! It was hard. Lindsey, Paris - all of them just want to do charity. If it doesn't have poverty in it, they don't want to do it. It's compassion compassion compassion all day, its the new coke!They want to live like common people .

But luckily, I was finally, finally able to get her to swallow the whole bottle of tequilla. The rest was a snap.

northanger said...

i knew it! you're a diva slut. they're just a bunch of unthinking twirly plates to you! {stomping away}

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roger said...

North North North,
don't believe the hype! I swear, after that tequilla, Lindsay was only playing an innocent game with that woman , the perennially fun game of "chase a pedestrian in a Hummer" which haven't we all done at one time or another?

I'm surprised at your intolerance. This is what those poor angels have to suffer from an intolerant public. It makes one want to, well, stop attending the dreary AA sessions (making the boo hoo sounds in the back row) and slopping instant mash potatoes into the shaky plates held by losers at the stinky Salvation Army hole and have some good clean drunk driving fun, like in the old days.

northanger said...

Roger, you are beyond immoral — without the slightest clue about the fine art of falling off hills instead of mountains.

northanger said...

rehab

roger said...

North, that Amy Winehouse video has EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND hits! Is that the most hits ever? I don't think poor Lindsey Lohan could scrounge up that many hits on YouTube to save her life.

I guess the Winehouse phenomena is real. But I don't get why Hanin Elias videos don't at least get, like, 200,000 hits. It's not fair, as the nihilists say at the end of The Big Lebowski.

Dick Durata said...

I blame Whole Foods and their Liberal Fascist ilk. Now even Safeway is trying to go up-market, they banished WWN to the magazine aisle, lowest row.
But I blame myself too, so many laughs, but did I ever actually buy a copy? No, never.

northanger said...

Roger, this one's got 10522 ratings & 4,253,764 hits. maybe it's the red pumps, pink lipstick, leather jacket & all that hair... or maybe her i don't give a fuck affect

northanger said...

shakespeare ufos! + more Amy

roger said...

Drinking heavily and getting skinny?
I've become a huge fan already!
Hey, guess what? We are going to be washed away in a flood down here in Austin! It is raining hard again. God is punishing us cause of Bush, but it wasn't our fault! He came from Mars.

northanger said...

Drinking heavily and getting skinny
i hate her, lol

God is punishing us cause of Bush
nope. god only punishes gay people. which is why i think this country gives gay folk such a hard time coz they don't understand the story of Sodom & Gomorrah.

hey, i tried to post a comment here but it didn't show up. is my comment being verified or did it get eaten by a blog dog?

northanger said...

catching up on comments, meant to show you this Mr LI:

AQ 748 = NORTH'S AMPHITHEATRUM SAPIENTIAE AETERNAE = SHCHE NE VMERLA UKRAYINY NI SLAVA, NI VOLYA (AQ-917 UKRAINE'S GLORY HAS NOT YET PERISHED, NOR HER FREEDOM) = {#748 Simeisa (1913 RD), Outer Main-belt Asteroid, Discovered 1913-Mar-14 by Neujmin, G. at Simeis}.

roger said...

Mr. Durata, the only time I bought WWN was for friends in the hospital. Damn, I should have saved those papers. I remember one in particular - the main article was about the Chinese government's evil plan to spin the earth out of orbit by having all the chinese jump at once. This plan was spoiled by the counterjump organized by the good guys at WWN.

What archive will house that ephemeral, brilliant and smelly sheet - for WWN had a weird smell all of its own? To think that it will probably disappear, while, say, the Washington Post, 2001-2007, an utterly worthless warmongering rag, will survive. It breaks the heart...