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Tuesday, October 10, 2006

new american liberalism - don't be fooled.

Mr. Scruggs been up to his old tricks again. I notice, through MaxSpeaks, that he has created this amazing parody

Of course, I saw through this right away. A new liberalism group heralded by the New York Sun? With Marty Peretz and Michael Ledeen playing the aging but virile sons of old rancher Harry Truman? That’s the Harry that potters around and mutters about the a-bombs. “Warnt nuthin to me, Marty, a-droppin them firecrackers. Why, I had me a good old nap that day! Fucked Bess. I’m spry for my hundert thousand years of age. Like my pappy Lucifer!”

However, Mr. Scruggs has put a lot of work into this obvious sham. For instance, notice the care he has taken in compiling a faux editorial board composed of the kind of academic deadwood that is routinely hustled out to defend the latest atrocities perpetrated by the American Wehrmacht. I have to say, picking Russell Berman and Jeffrey Herf betrays the fine hand of the practiced satirist. Russell Berman, you’ll remember, is the man who has built an academic Marxist magazine, Telos, into a cult from which he preaches war against Iran when he isn’t publishing French racists. Telos was, of course, the journal that published the first translations of Nazi political “theologian” Schmitt . As for Jeffrey Herf, he is a TNR Book section reliable – a sort of handmedown Sidney Hooks type, if Sidney Hooks had suffered a lobotomy at a young age.

It is Scruggs best piece of work since he launched the bogus Washington Times owned, supposedly, by the Moonies. Luckily, LI is not so naïve that we’d fall for things like that. Oh, there are times that we fear that the parody is getting out of hand – for instance, when Scruggs created a cutout editor of the WTimes, one Francis B. Coombs Jr , he whimsically gave him a glaring white power past, and to add spice, he made up a wife for Coombs who is on the board of several white power groups. The point, of course, is to test the D.C. waters, and see who would continue to suck up to such obvious moral lepers, and whether they would be excused in general. Such is Scruggs cynical mindset. Imagine his surprise when all of D.C. universally shunned a paper owned by a cult and run by a Klansman knockoff. Not a single politician or public figure cooperates or writes for it, or even pays any attention to it whatsoever. Conservatives, who long ago refused to have anything to do with segregationists in Moonie clothing, have denounced the Wash Times – or would have. But Conservatives are practical jokers. Seeing that the paper was a parody, they’ve gone along and actually write for it and pretend like Coombs isn’t even there!

We suspect this time Scruggs has gone too far. New Liberalism, centered around the Euston Manifesto, with Peter Beinart all signed up? – we detect a heavy handedness, I’m afraid. Nobody is going to believe it. I mean, does someone like Beinart still have a career? Of course not. Common sense tells us that the people who advocated the invasion of Iraq, a great, avoidable stupidity, managed with maximum corruption to the miserable end of making Iraq even worse than it was under Saddam Hussein, are universally shunned in our capital, which is, when all is said and done, manned by hardworking patriots who, using the best information available, make choices that are best for this country, no matter what the cost to their own careers and reputations. That’s why poor Beinart was run out of town on a rail. Last I heard, he’s washing dishes in a diner in Wheeling West Virginia. However, being an intellectual sort, he has reviewed the many mistakes he’s made, and his complicity in the crime of the War, and has decided that he just isn’t really smart enough to figure out foreign policy. So he has turned his sights to trying to be the best damn dishwasher in Wheeling, West Virginia. It is truly a Hollywood story. He wants, supposedly, to work his way up to cook, and then, saving up his money, maybe one day start a diner of his own! Beinart, to be fair, is doing his best to make amends. In an interview with a Wheeling paper, he said that he realized, after a while, his total incompetence at understanding public policy. “If an auto mechanic doesn’t understand engines,” said Beinart, “he shouldn’t repair them.” Shifting around for something to do that would occupy his talents, he has discovered that he is pretty good at whipping up grits. Thus, his newfound ambition. He’s hoping to hire his friend Chris Hitchens, who has quit his various media positions, given the money he earned from them to charity, and has been trying to master 3 minute grits himself in Beinart’s trailer kitchen. ‘Chris is totally ashamed,’ Beinart says. “Do you know, he actually supported installing a known criminal and peculator as head of poor Iraq? Every day he bemoans his blindness and vanity.” Meanwhile, of course, in our capital, the militantly anti-war Democrats, proud to have opposed the war from the very beginning, adamant about never rolling over for a tyrannical hick of a president, see with eagle vision that sacrificing American military men to the imbecilic vanity of iniquitous old warmongers in D.C. is highly immoral, akin to colluding in murder, and not something they will put up with. What a Party! We are truly blessed. Our political system has never been healthier or more vibrant. So, sorry, this parody – excellent as it is in several respects! – is not going to fool anyone.

7 comments:

Brian Miller said...

Don't worry, roger. Hillary-or maybe John Mccain - will bring this vision to light.

I honestly don't believe in the practicality of Mr. Carson's vision, but I increasingly believe that the Mutualists have the only humane utopian ideal. Certainly not the Marxists (horrors), but the Mutualists have the proper skepticism towards the State. Of course, through my own sloth and confusion, I myself am a minor apparatchnik of Leviathan, so....

Amerigo Sciurofascista said...

Roger, I'm sorry. All my jokes seem to be in very poor taste these days. I'm afraid I can't help it. I get carried away by the beauty of idiocies so extreme that they almost have to be true.

roger said...

Mr. Scruggs, I hasten to correct my post. Peter Beinart sent me an email in which he said that he was not retiring from the policy biz. He’s very eloquent:

The rumor that I have quit my chosen career because I was slightly mistaken about a thing as trivial, really, as the war in Iran, or wherever, is preposterous. Worse, to compare policy making to auto mechanics is laughable. Auto mechanics have to know about, oh, the woofers and the carburetors and such – it is all pretty much garbage that any fifth grader could master. I, on the other hand, have learned at the feet of Paul Wolfowitz, Allan Bloom and Paul Nitze – giants in the field. It completely mistakes my special expertise to make it depend on the trivia of fact available to any reader of Wikipedia. So what that I didn’t know where Iraq was, especially, or what it bordered, or who the Shee- its were (a little joke we make down here at the TNR!) This has little to do with the vital correctness of my muscular suggestions. What I know in my heart is what is good for America. What is good for America is good for freedom. Freedom requires being Strong. Strength requires a strong America. A strong America is a freer America. Freedom gets stronger as we get stronger. When it becomes superstrong, Freedom and America won’t even be brought down if, say, our enemy got a whole load of kryptonite, say, and put it in a room next to us. The Kryptonite would weaken our power to fly through the air, but we would still be able to leap over buildings with a bound.

So, anyway, to return to the subject: complaints that my knowledge of Iraqi culture was on par with my knowledge of Quechua are so off base that one wonders at the triviality of the multicultural, politically correct critics.

I, of course, apply the universal ethical norms of the Enlightenment, as per Immanuel Kant. I have read several excerpts of Dr. Kant’s work when I went to a very very Ivy league school, and I was so impressed that I wrote him a fan letter and asked for a recommendation to work at The New Republic. I’ve never held it against him that he didn’t write back – I myself know the busy schedule us big thinkers get into. Lately, for instance, this is my schedule. I get a big dictionary and read the Spine – a wonderful blog full of wonderful ideas by Dr. Peretz – and usually send him an appreciative letter. My, the hours can fly by as we send one another messages! And it has definitely increased my word power! Then it is off to lunch at the AEI or Brookings, with serious intellectual jousting! I’m not ashamed to say that I sometimes am bested. Did you know that Bulgaria is not in South America? Anyway, and then, its dinner with, say, David Broder, where both of us strongly condemn our president’s idealistic but sometimes not very well planned policies. As you might imagine, I have strong objections when it comes to legalizing torture! It is an issue on which we should be careful to compromise to keep our credibility, but not so much that we weaken our freedom, as per the kryptonite example I gave you above. I am trying to get Dr. Kant to write an article for TNR about this, but for some reason I can’t find his email address.

D’oh! As you can see, I’m getting carried away with big thoughts already! And now it is time to see if my assistant has written my latest piece for the New Republic. You can get your subscription now for 50 percent off! Plus we will send you a tape of Marty Peretz reading from his own bestseller, Q: What do you call killing 650,00 Arabs? A: Below the hunting limit. Ha ha! It is hilarious, warm and witty, and sure to enliven your own travels back and forth from your own think tank job!
Yours truly,
Peter Beinart,
winner, Mr. Muscular liberal contest, 1999

Dick Durata said...

Why hadn't I heard of Scruggs before? I bet he was behind that mock-up of the Dirksen Senate Office Building where a cardboard Moon was crowned by cardboard Representatives.
Scruggs' excesses in parody certainly explain much of our supposed history.

Amie said...

PS- i had to cut short my previous email since i had to make a very exclusive AA meeting at AIE, so forgot to add a further big thought.
it's big allright and should put me right back into contention for the mr. muscular liberal - a title i have been unfairly stripped of by sniveling cowards!
i came across the big thought while looking for mr. kant's cell number. i think it might be by another german but let's not worry about who. unfortunately, i dropped the paper i copied it on into my bowl of chop suey. i'm working on my cosmopolitanism you see, though admittedly have work to do with the whole chopsticks thing. why can't they be civilized and use forks!
but anyway, eagle-eyed reader that i am, i can decipher the big thought on a page covered with sticky red stuff:
'if you kill one person you're a murderer, if you kill thousands yor're a hero, and if you kill everyone you're god.'
cheerio,
PB

sprezzatura said...

PPS

HA HA! I've tricked everybody! Peter Beinart is merely my sockpuppet. I'm, of course, the first sockpuppet on the East Coast to have his own sockpuppet. The real Peter Beinart did, actually, resign his positions, sell his condo, and move -- although not to Wheeling West Virginia. To the Valley near L.A. Coming to a video store near you is Muscular Liberal Spermophilia 2: this time its personal, where he plays the naked pool boy. Hot hot hot! A special J.A. Scruggs + LimitedInc + Gulf Western production. Over 18 not admitted without Legislative escort.

Amerigo Sciurofascista said...

Since sprezzatura has already given some of the details away, I may as well mention the vengeful dildo scene and the flight of the technical virgins.