“I’m so bored. I hate my life.” - Britney Spears

Das Langweilige ist interessant geworden, weil das Interessante angefangen hat langweilig zu werden. – Thomas Mann

"Never for money/always for love" - The Talking Heads

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

journey through your mind to liberation past - and feel the patriotism!

The deadenders seem to be stirring in liberated Iraq this month. Puzzlingly, ten American soldiers were killed yesterday – puzzling in that Iraq, by all accounts, is well on its way to being a model for the world of freedom and free enterprise.

Stunned by the headlines, which seem to imply a few glitches in our Rebel in Chief’s masterwork in the Middle East, LI plunged into the very recent past to see where it all went right – where faith in freedom rescued the country from savage socialist minded Ba’athism and set it on the path of peace and prosperity. We were also a bit motivated by the rather strange Q and A in the Washington Post with the producer of the frontline about America's first year in Iraq. The man answered questions as though he were a prisoner of war -- and indeed, he did seem to know that offering unsolicited, socialist criticisms of the president would only be a trick to elect the Democrats. So he remained as nonpartisan as oatmeal.

We went to May 27, 2003 – you’ll remember that date. It lives in history. That was when the American liberators pretty much took care of the dead ender problem. Paul Bremer, an icy eyed executive used to getting things done (although, in private, associates say, he relaxes with his family, and joins his wonderful baritone to the voices around the dinner table as Rock of Ages, a family favorite, is being sung), announced the end of phase one of the liberation, and the beginning of phase two: the economy!

"A free economy and a free people go hand in hand," said Bremer, who arrived two weeks ago to run the occupation authority. "History tells us that substantial and broadly held resources, protected by private property, private rights, are the best protection of political freedom. Building such prosperity in Iraq will be a key measure of our success here."

Bremer spoke four days after the U.N. Security Council lifted economic sanctions imposed on Iraq more than 12 years ago after the Persian Gulf War. U.S. officials had complained that the sanctions, which they once favored as a way to force Hussein to comply with U.N. arms inspections and perhaps foment an uprising against him, had become a severe hindrance to postwar recovery.

But dismantling Iraq's state-managed system holds big risks for the occupation authority at a time when most Iraqis are struggling to get by. During Hussein's 24 years as president, he and his Baath Party drew on Iraq's oil wealth to subsidize the cost of basic items, creating something like a welfare state, and people came to expect these low prices. Many free-market advocates contend that subsidies distort economic incentives, retarding growth and ultimately harming consumers.

Before its 1990 invasion of Kuwait, the Iraqi government spent close to $20 billion a year to import almost everything from staples to delicacies that it sold to merchants at bargain prices, lowering the cost to consumers. Once sanctions were imposed, Hussein used the U.N. oil-for-food program to establish a highly popular food-distribution network relied upon by 60 percent of Iraq's 26 million people. He doubled rations before the recent war in an effort to build popular resistance to the U.S. invasion.

"This place was probably affected less by the forces of supply and demand than any place I have ever seen," said Peter McPherson, who is on leave as president of Michigan State University to serve as the senior U.S. adviser to Iraq's Finance Ministry. "This was an integrated economy -- pathological, but integrated. You can't really take one piece out, fix it, and put it back. It will have to be taken all apart, and you will have to allow the forces of supply and demand to function."

It will have to be taken all apart – ah, a mantra for our time! And so it was – all of it. Can’t have any of that former Iraqi stuff, that integrated economy (what kinda thing is that!) hanging around. Taking it all apart is what the occupation graced that liberated land with. Taking apart security. Taking apart the economy. Taking apart the ministries one by one. And now, for a final flourish, the U.S. is supporting the federalization of Iraq – taking apart Iraq itself! Certainly there have been doubters on the way, but really, who among us can doubt, as history writes the books, that this humane, intelligent, charitable and – dare I say it in this time of liberal secular terrorism – well, gosh, this God fearing administration will go down as one of the peaks of our march back to the virtues of 16th century Spain.

LI wondered whatever happened to unsung hero Peter Macpherson. So we dug a little. Well, he didn’t go completely unsung! In 2004, The office of Rep. Pete Hoekstra, R-Mich., issued the following press release:

“Reps. Pete Hoekstra, R-Holland, and Mike Rogers, R-Brighton, along with fellow members of the Michigan congressional delegation honored MSU President Peter McPherson, saying that his five months leading the financial reconstruction of Iraq make all of Michigan proud.

"Peter McPherson was able to use his financial experience to lay the groundwork for rebuilding the economic structure of an entire country," Hoekstra said, citing McPherson's work as a deputy secretary of treasury, bank vice president and head of the $6 billion Agency for International Development. "He did a phenomenal job in a relatively short period of time, and all of the pieces he put in place are beginning to show progress."

Hoekstra and Rogers joined their peers from Michigan in presenting McPherson with a ceremonial copy of a resolution introduced in the House that honors him for his accomplishments. McPherson officially served as the Coalition Provisional Authority's director of economic policy following the liberation of the country.”

"President McPherson is very deserving of being recognized for his tremendous contribution to reconstructing Iraq's economy," Rogers said. "He made a significant impact on the lives of an Iraqi people in the process of rebuilding their country. In doing so, he made all of Michigan and all of America proud.”

Rebuilding, hmm. I don’t think Rogers got the memo: taking apart, dude! Or for you business types: creative destruction.

Now, you might wonder how Bush, the Great Helmsman, plucked this burning brand from obscurity. Well, McPherson was not so obscure with the Bush al Qaeda! As we know, nothing is more important than preventing abortion, and McPherson happened to play a sterling role when, under Reagan, he cut off funding to the U.N.’s family planning programs to undermine that filthy practice. This was in 1985, which was just in time to stop the spread of rubbers in Africa, with the healthful results that we have seen since. When I say God fearing, I do mean God fearing. There is something so… well, right about a man who has participated in some of the great pages of American history. Obscure yes, but it is men like McPherson that have made American foreign policy what it is today.

As for the headlines – more badmouthing by the MSM? Puh-leeeze. Surveys have pretty much definitively shown that 90 percent of journalists voted for Osama bin Laden as their favorite superstar on that American Idol episode, no. 84. Enough said.


Brian Miller said...

It's like a never-ending web of deception and ideology and money. Amazing.

Break it up, is the only solution. Our empire is becoming as evil as every other empire. Go back to the Articles of Confederation. Some of our more benighted states may screw themselves, but at least we won't be able to afford 150 military bases around the world

roger said...

Brian, you are such a radical guy, man! The back to the articles of conferation movement is an interesting idea. First, though, back to the constitution. Or actually, first, out of Iraq.

It has to be interjected, firmly everytime someone mentions that we have to stay in Iraq because those damn guys are killing each other that --- every year we have occupied Iraq, we made it worse. Every. Year. Worse. And every time we make it worse, this is considered an additional reason that we have to stay there. Cause it is our moral duty! Reminds me of one of Thomas Berger's comic novels, the neighbors, about some helpful neighbors that completely destroy this couple's household, with each instance of disaster justified by some previous, neighbor caused disaster.

So, here's my simple slogan: let's take the slapstick out of foreign policy.

It was funny half a million lives ago, but it isn't funny any more. Mr. President, did you make us laugh at the Press club! We all unwound and had a good time. And you are still a card! Next year comes the "look high and low for the bodies of Iraqis" routine, on the model of the ever popular "lookin' for WMD" routine." I know the Washington Post crowd will roar. But I say, you're killin' us! Enough! We can't take it! Too funny is too funny!

See - my slogan is Dem friendly! Spermophiliacs and anti-spermophiliacs agree.

Amerigo Sciurofascista said...

Roger, you're at serious risk of attracting bukkake fetishists if you keep posting "Spermophiliacs". They could benefit from your writing as much as anyone, I suppose, perhaps more than most, but are they really the "target demographic"?

roger said...

Ah, Mista Scruggs, my fiendish plan, now that I have been hired by a certain H. C. to aid this person politically, is to lure fetishists to this site with learned references to the latin name for the squirrel genus. Of course, as is well known, fetishists are easy to infect with each other fetishes - hence, the panties sniffer can be lead, by trained psychologists, to discover the richness and texture of the four inch stilleto heal shoe. I refer you to Martin Seligman's tome, Weaponized and Luvin' It! Vol. 2.

Now all I need to do is provide some adorable pics. As any Google fanatic or reader of various right wing Defend our Families pamphlets can tell you, the web is awash in fetishism. I figure I will attract them in their multitudes here, mesmerize them with visions of giant squirrels cavorting around the Lincoln Bedroom, and send them, in a daze, to the polls.

And if that doesn't work, fuck em. Any fetishist who isn't willing to learn a little latin doesn't deserve his petite mort.

new york pervert said...

I don't believe a word of little death dogma. I think Hester Prynne and assorted other harlots propagated this, including her preacher. It's big life, not little death. People should realize that it is necessary to devote their entire lives to uncovering why this mystery must be so if it is duly cultivated...

Amerigo Sciurofascista said...

But Roger, it's sciurophilia and sciurophobia. I am deeply concerned that William Safire will come here, for reasons best not explored, and huffily correct you to cover up his guilt.

roger said...

Ah, this is what I like to see - natural history, etymology, and the metaphysics of fetishism together at last!

And people say that I don't know what I'm doing!